Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Unity News Roundup

Britney Spears stole my virginity. World exclusive. "I am the baby's father". World Famous Peterborough Photographer in shock paternity scandal. Mike Harris AKA Mike Da Hat is reported to be "over the moon" with suggestions that he is the father of Charlotte Churchs love child. Meanwhile closer to home local playboy, Richard Hall, is vehemently denying any suggestion that he is the mastermind behind a plot to overthrow Robert Mugabe in strife torn Zimbabwe when questioned about it Richard (34) said "Robert who..?" Conclusive proof that he is covering up more than he's letting on. Following in Madonnas footsteps world famous magazine editor and journalist Mel Elliott, Art & Soul Magazine, is planning a trip to drought ridden Malawi to adopt a goat. "I've always wanted a goat and doing this gives me the chance to save one and give it a better future." The goats parents were unavailable for comment at time of going to press. Madonna declined to comment.
Following kate Middletons departure from the Royal Fold it has been reported that Moony is considering taking her place in the media circus. "..purely for publicity purposes...Prince William and I are just good mates....although being the wife of the heir to the throne wouldn't do Opaque any harm at all." Sources close to the palace suggest the prince actually has his eye on Tasha. Excited bookmakers have put odds on Tasha as the next queen to 150,000 to 1.
Reports are coming in that Andrew Gates, AKA Shaggy, has had a windfall. Unbeknown to Andrew he was the secret love child of one Bill Gates Multibillionaire and philanthropist. The Nouveau Riche shagster said the money would not change his life at all. Speaking from his yacht off the french Riviera The Shagster said "it's the begging letters that get me, they never stop. I've even received one from myself that I wrote before I got rich."

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